JOKE SPOT - Add One Yourself!

A French , Italian and Aussie bloke are discussing their lovemaking skills .
The Frenchman says ....... after I av finish making ze sweet luv to ze beautiful woman I gently kiss her on ze neck and whizper sweet nothings in her ear and she float 6 inches above ze bed in ecstacy ............

The Italian says ........ ahh thatss nothinga , whena I hava finished making the lova to my womana .........I kissa her alla the way downa her body , downa her knees and righta downa to her toesa ......... she floatsa 12 inches abova the bed in ecstacy ...................

The Aussie bloke says - mate that's f*ckin nothin ....... after I've rooted me chick , I get up out of bed , walk over to the curtains and wipe me donger all over the curtains and she hits the f*cking roof !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
switchblade81 said:
Hey you have probably heard this one but…
There is a man with a black eye walking down the aisle of a plane on the way to his seat. When he gets to his seat he finds Bob is sitting next to also has a black eye. He is astonished and asks how he got the black eye, Bob replies. The women at the ticket counter had big tits and I mean big tits and I went to ask for two tickets to Pittsburg but instead I asked for two pickets to Titsburg so she punched me and I got a black eye. Then Bob asked this guy how he got his black eye and the man replied, Well yesterday I sat down and meant to ask my wife to pass me a bowl of frosties instead I said, You ruined my life you Sl_t.
Easy to get confused :p
Click to expand...
LOL hahaha funniest joke eva nice 1 lol
 
Q. Why did Jesus cross the road?
A. Because he was nailed to the chicken.....

haha thats terrible....Im not Jesus i can eat M&M's
 
Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."


Gary.......................................:cool:
 
A gold miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg.

Later,in the hospital, he tells a mate,"I'm f*cked! Who'll want a one-legged gold digger?"

His mate replies,"Try Paul McCartney!"
 
Smart woman, Pauls kid's hated her from start new what she up too. Single site: post 1 legg woman need husband worth a heap now........apply within...............:rolleyes:

Gary.......................................:cool:
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

here is my joke

GARY!
Click to expand...

Oh yea so funny still laughing omg still laughing omg yea so funny...........:D

Gary................................:cool:
 
Q. Why did the girl fall off the swing
A. She had no arms


Q. Why did the boy fall off the bike
A. He had no legs

Silly, but still make you smile when you visualise the Girl on the swing and the Boy on the bike :D
 
This is JAGGA'S - not mine!!!!:rolleyes:

Mother says to son - Why are you going out with jumper leads around your waist?
Son replies - I can't find a belt.
Mum replies - ok, wear it then, but make sure you don't start anything when you are out.....

(he was inspired by the preceding effort, don't blame me!!)
 
steve goes to the doctor, he see's the doctor and says "doctor i have a terrible pain in my groin" the doctor takes a look and say "no wonder u have a bloody steering wheel down there" steve says " i know its driving me bloody nuts".
 
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, get me a beer before it starts."
She looked a little puzzled but brought him the beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start soon."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him another beer.

When it was gone, he said, "Quick, one more beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top! "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say 'hello' to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed, "Oh ****, it's started."
 
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."

After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
 
The grandparents were just finishing doing the dishes and the grandfather was feeling a bit amerous. “How about it” he asks his wife and she says”What, now?”. “Why not” said the grandfather. “OK” says the grandmother, so off they toddle to their room. “It's your turn to be on top this time” says the grandfather. As they were having sex, little Johnny walks in, sees what there doing, then turns around and walks back out again. After they had finished, the grandmother said “I'd better go out and explain to Johnny about what we were doing”. She puts on her nightdress and goes out to find Johnny in the lounge room. “Are you wondering what we were doing in there” asks the grandmother to Johnny. “Yes, I was” replied Johnny. “Well, You know how your grandfather has that pot-belly. I was sitting on it and trying to make it go down.”

“Your wasting your time grandma” replied Johnny. “Every time you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and blows it up again!”
 
yo moma is so stupid...
she was goin to disneyland and a sign said disneyland left...

so she turned around and went home.....:rolleyes:

gotta love the yo moma jokes
 
Why do women like circumcised men?


Because they can't resist 10% off.



Gary........................................................:cool:
 
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