NEWS STRAIGHT FROM WWE.
Mr. McMahon presumed dead
By Zack Zeigler and Craig Tello
Written: June 11, 2007
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. – A night originally designated Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night turned deadly when the WWE Chairman’s limousine burst into a fiery explosion just moments after Mr. McMahon stepped into it. Permanently uprooting the world of sports-entertainment, the Chairman has been presumed dead in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
Local authorities stated it was still too early to declare anything as fact, including exactly what caused the explosion, but described the blast as an apparent “car bombing.” They also revealed that as of 11:30 p.m. EST, no body had been recovered from the incinerated wreckage.
Firefighters were quick to assess the scene, taping off sections of the parking lot to protect the evident crime scene and safeguard scores of onlookers – mostly our fans – from potential injury. Despite the intense heat and ubiquitous clouds of black smoke, countless people spilled out of the arena to get a closer look at the chaos they had just seen happen live on the TitanTron. Moments earlier, the sold-out crowd came to a still hush as they speechlessly watched from their seats.
“By the time we arrived on the scene, the entire automobile was on fire,” explained a Wilkes-Barre firefighter. “It was like an inferno, and our guys were doing whatever they could to contain it as quickly as possible. In my 27 years with the fire department, I’ve never seen anything like that.”
The emblazoned limousine was engulfed by flames that reached skyward at estimated heights of more than 50 feet. The sight of the charred debris led to speculation that there was no conceivable way anyone could have escaped from the limo alive. Early assessments from local firefighters and police officers sent a similar feeling regarding the probability of the Chairman’s survival.
“We’re doing our best to respect the McMahon family and the fans of WWE,” the firefighter said. “However, with that said, we have not found anything – there hasn’t been confirmation that Mr. McMahon’s body was extracted from the limo.”
As the physical body of Mr. McMahon remains to be uncovered, perhaps the most perplexing piece to this puzzle is the Chairman’s uncanny, almost clairvoyant premonition of tonight’s grim events. Over the last few weeks on WWE programming, the swaggering, well-off billionaire seemed to unravel right before the eyes of millions. Speaking of a threatening presence that lurked in his foreseeable future, Mr. McMahon even cited the looming of a “black cloud” last week – a cloud very similar to the post-combustive smoke that billowed above his limousine tonight.
Was this evening an eerie prophecy fulfilled for Mr. McMahon, given his recent premonitions? Or was it simply a fateful execution of coincidence? The ominous reality is that what was brushed off as incoherent ramblings of a broken man and former ECW World Champion actually may have proven to be an exercising of a recently discovered sixth sense.
This incident is the first of its kind since the assassination of political figure Orlando Letelier in Washington, D.C. in 1976. Sources say that given the nature of the apparent car bombing, under law federal authorities will be called in for a more thorough investigation that would supersede local Pennsylvania authorities.
