Inter Office memo – State Team Selection – Confidential – The Coordinator’s Report
Due to the number of inquiries regarding the selection of the Queensland team it was felt that it was important that I release the following document to outline the selection process around the team and placement of the players.
Firstly we placed George Frilingos in the primary team along with Stephen Hunt both having been the top average players at their prospective roll offs. We put Brian in the Primary team as well, as he was the real top average player because George limped off and left early as he is under the thumb and has poor time management and had double booked his schedule plus Brian only bowls well after lots of sex and since Kate is in the first team we thought that just made sense. We then Looked to Brendan Meads. Now Brendan Quite possibly bowls more games in a month than any other person in the entire world and could quite possibly out average George. Due to George’s Fragile Ego we felt it best that Brendan not be given the chance to beat George so we put him in Team Two. It was a huge advantage last year having someone with us who could prescribe legal drugs. Since we could not have that, Robbie Buckley Seamed the Obvious choice for team one as the in team chemist. We are also pretty certain that after last year there will be no issue with Rob and the No Alcohol policy so he should be sober enough to help the rest of the team, A or B.
It also came to our attention that Tyson Jones and Chris Carney had poker debts to John Dunn that were outstanding. After considerable begging from Tyson and Chris we felt that it was best if John was put in the secondary team with Brendan. We also had notices that Tyson had Pinched Chris on the Ass more than once and Steve had smiled so we felt that there was some team bonding going on. This also seemed to make sense.
At this point on an Average Height Basis with John Dunn in Team Two it become quite oblivious to us that the Secondary team was now seriously height challenged. In an attempt to correct this Both Daniel and Garry were added to the Secondary team to average the height imbalance. It was at his point we noted that the secondary team was short on Rachuig Experience so in an attempt to correct this we took the most experienced Rachuig player Queensland has and put Morty in the Second team.
While this correct the Experience issue we then had Brendan and Morty in the same team. We knew they argued like an old married couple so we were left with no choice but to add Jim Murray to the Secondary Team to act as Marriage counselor for Brendan and Morty. This has worked before so we saw no reason to think it would not work again.
At this point we noticed on Paper that Ian Phelan had the Same Number of letters in his name as Jim Murray so we went with that. With only Angelo left and one spot to go the last position filled itself.
We were pretty certain that everyone knew how good Tony Hamilton is so by making him reserve guarantees that everyone in the team will surely do everything they need to cause he is just waiting to come in if they don’t and we also made sure that there was only 2 North QLD people in the second team as they would be a target for Geoff Off to knock off. We are fairly confident that Geoff like’s Garry and JD so they should be Safe. We have been guaranteed that we will be notified if he travels south for any reason.
Regards
Morty Douglass
Rachuig Coordinator
Queensland.
“Queensland Rachuig – No Bragg’in Rights …. But One Hell of a Good Time Bowling”
Zero truth in the Above But Maybe Just Maybe We Might all Get a Smile
Due to the number of inquiries regarding the selection of the Queensland team it was felt that it was important that I release the following document to outline the selection process around the team and placement of the players.
Firstly we placed George Frilingos in the primary team along with Stephen Hunt both having been the top average players at their prospective roll offs. We put Brian in the Primary team as well, as he was the real top average player because George limped off and left early as he is under the thumb and has poor time management and had double booked his schedule plus Brian only bowls well after lots of sex and since Kate is in the first team we thought that just made sense. We then Looked to Brendan Meads. Now Brendan Quite possibly bowls more games in a month than any other person in the entire world and could quite possibly out average George. Due to George’s Fragile Ego we felt it best that Brendan not be given the chance to beat George so we put him in Team Two. It was a huge advantage last year having someone with us who could prescribe legal drugs. Since we could not have that, Robbie Buckley Seamed the Obvious choice for team one as the in team chemist. We are also pretty certain that after last year there will be no issue with Rob and the No Alcohol policy so he should be sober enough to help the rest of the team, A or B.
It also came to our attention that Tyson Jones and Chris Carney had poker debts to John Dunn that were outstanding. After considerable begging from Tyson and Chris we felt that it was best if John was put in the secondary team with Brendan. We also had notices that Tyson had Pinched Chris on the Ass more than once and Steve had smiled so we felt that there was some team bonding going on. This also seemed to make sense.
At this point on an Average Height Basis with John Dunn in Team Two it become quite oblivious to us that the Secondary team was now seriously height challenged. In an attempt to correct this Both Daniel and Garry were added to the Secondary team to average the height imbalance. It was at his point we noted that the secondary team was short on Rachuig Experience so in an attempt to correct this we took the most experienced Rachuig player Queensland has and put Morty in the Second team.
While this correct the Experience issue we then had Brendan and Morty in the same team. We knew they argued like an old married couple so we were left with no choice but to add Jim Murray to the Secondary Team to act as Marriage counselor for Brendan and Morty. This has worked before so we saw no reason to think it would not work again.
At this point we noticed on Paper that Ian Phelan had the Same Number of letters in his name as Jim Murray so we went with that. With only Angelo left and one spot to go the last position filled itself.
We were pretty certain that everyone knew how good Tony Hamilton is so by making him reserve guarantees that everyone in the team will surely do everything they need to cause he is just waiting to come in if they don’t and we also made sure that there was only 2 North QLD people in the second team as they would be a target for Geoff Off to knock off. We are fairly confident that Geoff like’s Garry and JD so they should be Safe. We have been guaranteed that we will be notified if he travels south for any reason.
Regards
Morty Douglass
Rachuig Coordinator
Queensland.
“Queensland Rachuig – No Bragg’in Rights …. But One Hell of a Good Time Bowling”
Zero truth in the Above But Maybe Just Maybe We Might all Get a Smile
I am just glad Kate can bowl otherwise i would be in real strife 
